I’m not coming out as gay, let’s get that out of the way first. But in the same sort of spirit, I am coming out as someone who suffers from depression.
Some of my friends know this already, I’m not overly secretive about it, but it’s not something I tend to shout about either. I’ve been taking anti-depressants for the last few years, and I have it under sufficient control that it’s not a major problem in my life. This isn’t a call for help or anything similar, I’m not planning to go into detail on my symptoms, I don’t want people to treat me any differently (and hope they won’t). The main reason I’m writing this is because of some conversations I’ve had with other friends over the years – both those who I know are also sufferers, and those who may be.
There’s a certain degree of stigma which is still associated with mental health, and leads to people not seeking treatment in the same way as they would for a physical problem. This is my attempt to contribute in a very small way to changing this. Partly I think the reason for this is that people have a fear of mental illnesses – they aren’t as visible as physical illness, yet they have an impact which can affect the very core of who you are. The problem with this secretive behaviour is that it makes mental illness seem to be a rarer problem than it actually is. Statistically, about one in every ten men and one in every four women will experience depression at some point in their lives. Even this may be a lower number than the reality – the same stigma can lead to people not seeking help from their GP.
If you do feel you might be suffering from depression, it’s incredibly important to discuss it with your doctor. Nobody would think of not discussing the possibility of asthma, diabetes or similar with their doctor, and there is no reason why you should feel any differently about discussing a possible mental health problem with your doctor. In fact, it may be even more important to discuss something which can be so insidious and creep into so many aspects of your life. It may be that the doctor doesn’t diagnose you with depression, in which case you can go away as reassured as someone with an ankle sprain instead of an ankle break. If you are diagnosed with depression or another mental health issue, there are lots of ways that your doctor can help you – not just prescribing medication. You could be referred to a therapist, a counsellor, to discussion groups, be given access to CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy – which I personally think is great), given a self help regime, etc. The important thing is to get started with treatment, and hopefully it’ll help you get out of the funk that depression and similar illnesses can get you into.
Like I said at the start, this post is partly the result of talking to friends who also have treatment for mental health problems, and partly from talking to friends who are reluctant to about it to their doctor, think they are particularly abnormal for feeling this way, or think it’s not worth talking to their doctor about it. If you are in this second group, you are not alone. I don’t have any intention of betraying confidences and ‘outing’ the other friends of mine who have/have had mental health issues, but I can honestly tell you that it’s not a small number. That’s just those people who are close enough friends that we’ve broached this sensitive subject, so my belief would be that there are a fair few more on top of that. You’re not alone, this isn’t rare. Treat it the same way you would a condition such as a bad back, a dodgy ankle or similar, and get help.
If you want to talk about this in private, feel free to drop me a mail – matt [dot] white [dot] uk [at] gmail [dot] com.
I’m not the most secretive person about this, but it has still taken me a few days to decide to hit the “publish” button.
The NHS mini-site on depression (here) has some useful information.
MIND has a good section on CBT here, and on depression in general here.
I think a lot of people often become surprised when you tell them that you suffer from a form of mental illness as if they find it hard to believe. For me this is the hardest part about suffering from stress and anxiety and being open about it – the disbelief. Because I am otherwise a strong person who has so far been able to live through hard times and come out alive at the other end they find it difficult to understand that even I have a breaking point.
There are a few stigmas left in our society for sure. The belief that we just need to pull ourselves together and get on with it is still very prevalent, but I think things are changing because more and more people are openly speaking up about their problems – be it to friends or health professionals.
Also people who suffer from depression, anxiety, PTSD, OCD and otherwise widespread mental illnesses often do not realise that to end up on a tether does not have to be preceded by extreme trauma. All the little traumas we experience in our daily lives can sometimes be enough if circumstances have been conspiring against us. Even if we sometimes think we only have ourselves to blame for our downfall (I’m one of those), it is not actually our fault that we now need help and we are still very much entitled to it regardless.
It can often be hard to seek help from your GP. When you are in the middle of it all and everything seems pointless, and all your GP is offering is antidepressants, it’s hard to put your foot down and ask for more in-depth help, but it’s worth it in the end.
Thanks for writing this post Matt.
That’s definitely part of the stigma – pull yourself together, it’s not that bad, etc. and also the fact that it seems most like that when you MOST need the help. Took me a while to get past that stage as well, because I was thinking I was making a mountain out of a mole hill, should be able to sort myself out/buck up, not waste my GPs time, etc.
All I’d really like is for this to help someone else take a little less time to seek help.