A long and rambling truly blog style blog post follows after the break.

I warn you, it is quite long and rambling.

So it’s the 31st December 2009, 11:41, and I’m in the office at work. There’s things I need to get done, but I’ve got the urge to jot down some thoughts.

Next year’s going to see me leaving Fujitsu, and starting at Research In Motion. It’s an odd feeling, I’ve been here for 6 years, and I’ve seen the company change a fair few times. When I started, Fujitsu-Siemens were essentially an IT hardware company. Since then we’ve had Siemens Business Services become part of the company, and then the entire company becoming part of the larger Fujitsu when the joint venture with Siemens dissolved. I started doing number crunching for a single small sales team, I’m leaving at a point where my job touches most reporting across the IT hardware side of the business in the UK. Looking forward, I’m joining a massively expanding company, and starting towards a professional qualification. If you’d asked me where I thought I’d be in 10 years in 1999, I doubt this would have been anywhere close to my answer. Back then I was working in shops, and didn’t know I had a sleep disorder, let alone how to manage it. I’ve come this way due to, at least partly, a few damn lucky breaks. Both in the jobs I’ve got into, and in some of the people I’ve worked for.

10 years ago, it was Millennium Eve, and I was seeing Snuff at the Garage in Highbury. This time around, I still don’t know what I’m doing. Between the two there’s been some seriously fun New Years, and some duff ones. Fucked Up in London, randomly deciding to go to Rock City in Nottingham, a fair few Hobgoblin and Free Butt ones in Brighton, I’m sure some were spent at the Agincourt in Camberley, a house show near Hook followed by a drive to Brighton with Rob and Ellis. That might actually be one of my favourites – celebrating midnight in a layby on the A23, doors open, Andrew WK blaring out of the stereo, sitting on the central reservation and screaming along to Mountain Goats on the way down.

It’s been a good decade in terms of gigs as well, far too many to mention in terms of attending, but it’s also been eight and a half years since I actually started putting on gigs. First one I was involved with was Godnose, Five Knuckle and Clingfilm at the Agincourt in Camberley, and then a fair few more in Guildford. All dayers where we worried about people getting crushed, ones where we worried that not one person would actually pay in. Ones where people nearly passed out in the heat, and others where people could barely play guitar because it was too cold. Rehearsal studios, working men’s clubs, community centres, old people’s cafes, back rooms of pubs (including a Jason Webley and King Blues gig where we asked on the evening if we could use it). It’s gone from driving back and forwards to Claygate because I didn’t remember to pick up microphones, leads or stands with a PA, to the GYC having its own backline and PA. There’s people I knew who’ve disappeared, and people I know who’ve come into this great amorphous community through things I’ve been involved with. I dread to think how much those last few years have cost me in terms of cash (it’s no exaggeration that some gigs lost us hundreds of pounds), but I know that it’s been worth it in terms of memories, friendships and fun. There have been different ‘scenes’ I’ve seen around over the last ten years, and they’ve been fun. Again, it’s more people that I’ve met, and came to call some of them good friends. Good times driving sometimes stupid distances to shows around the country, and shows abroad. Transatlantic plane journeys that came out of idle conversations that “that looks good”.

Kind of linking into this, it’s been five years since I started taking pictures at gigs. That’s an odd feeling to me. First one I’ve got online on my old MySpace blog was Giant Haystacks, Projections and Humans The Size Of Microphones at the King Alf in Southampton on April 19th 2005. I’m pretty sure I was taking ones before that though, but just didn’t keep them centrally. I still need to find the time to transfer those old photos onto my Gallery install on here, but there are 10,646 pictures that I’ve taken the time to process and upload to here. The number of photos I’ve actually taken (including the guff) must be four times that at least. I’ve had them used in record sleeves, on flyers, in zines, on websites, and even bizarrely in the NME. You know what though? I still get the same incredibly happy feeling if someone just uses one for a profile photo somewhere. If my friends like them, that makes me stoked enough.

I’ve been in love, and I’ve had my heart broken. I’ve had my faith in people rewarded, and I’ve had my faith in people abused. The difference between the two is that having my faith in people abused has never stopped me trusting new people. Maybe I just need to be less cautious when it comes to affairs of the heart, because I know that any amount of let downs, arguing or disappointment is massively, massively outweighed by those moments when you’re with someone and in love, and even by the anticipation and adrenaline rush of nerves involved with asking someone out. There’s been some great people in my life, and some not so great. I’m pretty sure that at times I haven’t been too great for other people too, but I still reckon there’s more greatness involved in people than not. Talking about relationships and the like, I really do have to make special mention of one my oldest friends – Rob O’Donnell. We’ve had strong and weak times as friends, but I’ve known him for this entire decade. Could write an essay on the stuff we’ve shared in that time, that’s not why I’m mentioning him now though. Remember I said I wouldn’t have imagined myself where I am in work ten years ago? On the scale on unimaginable things a decade, probably the very tip of that would be Rob settling down and getting engaged (scary to say it, I’d have put more money on Rob not making it to the end of the decade). Unimaginable though it may have been then, he’s now been with Polly for years, and they’re engaged to be married next year. She’s great for him, he seems to be great for her, and I couldn’t be happier for the two of them.

Stepping back from the personal, think back to 1999 again. Think about gadgets and the like. No iPods, no MP3 players at all really. No Windows XP (or OSX if you’re that way inclined). Mobile phones were dominated by the Nokia 3210, Snake was the big selling feature. SNAKE. No Facebook, no MySpace, no Google ads. Dial up instead of broadband. No PS/2, no XBOX. Day to day life has changed, and I’m looking forward to it changing further. Think of it on that scale of change, the way that it’s accelerating and you know it’s going to be interesting.

There’s certain things I want to do this year, these aren’t so much resolutions as they are notes and aims. I want to get fit, get back into kayaking, start putting on gigs again properly, make a good start at Research In Motion, improve my photography, and be more open with people emotionally. They’re the main ones, there’s probably others I could put down, but I think that’s already going to take a lot of my time! One thing that’s a continuance, and not likely to need much effort –  come 2am, I’ll not have drunk alcohol for 12 years.

If you’re reading this, and especially if you’ve read this far down a pretty rambling post, I’m guessing I know you. I’m guessing we’ve had some good times in the last ten years. Here’s what I’ll leave you with, it’s kind of a one way bargain at this stage, but I’m hoping you’ll agree to it as well – let’s have some more good times in the next ten.

PS: Some names, things and places related to good memories of the last ten years. More of a train of thought in no particular order rather than an exhaustive list, so if someone, something or somewhere is not in here it’s probably due to my mind slipping rather than anything else. If you, something or somewhere you were involved with is in here (or should be in here), thank you.

Guildford, the Guildford Youth Centre and the Guildford Thrash Attack. Worker and Parasite, The Motherfuckers, Capguns ‘n’ Coke, A New Way To Trust, Twofold, the Kielys (by birth and by marriage), Backline Studios, the Rat’s Castle, Ethel and Dreadfull, 2SL, Welli XL, B6K, Mafro, Jamie, Tom Ellis, PBS, Ken Eakins, Matt Knell, Rob O’Donnell (and the inexhaustible list of adventures we had involving company cars and free money), Guildford City Club, the Stoke Hotel, The Star, The Agincourt, Brad and Alec, PDHM, Godnose, Five Knuckle, Household Name Records, Sublime on Wednesday nights at the Underworld, The Windmill, The Swan, Trashfest – the relevant Dutch people and those people who I see once a year without fail, Krazyfest, Tom, Jacqui, Bob and Polly Dickerson, Chaos City Comics in St Albans, Double Decker Records in Allentown, Plan 9 in Richmond, Darkest Hour, PageNinetyNine and their final shows in America, Fucked Up in general and the Halloween thing in Toronto, Peter Azen, the SouthCoast scene and all its component parts – Overton, Basingstoke, Southampton, Portsmouth, Guildford, Jets Vs Sharks, When All Else Fails, Bases Loaded, Chillerton, Just One Life, Cat ‘n’ Cakey, the STE, Fig 4.0, Joe 90, all the various music fests in Leeds over time, Fracture, Rancid News/Last Hours, Zonked, Suspect Device, The Rock Box, Rock Box Jon, The Steal, the Alton lot – Soph Legless, Gemma and Claire Ranson, Sam Morgan, Pickled Dick, Jhon, Dom, and various additional members, Big Jim, Complex GSL, The Shitty Limits, Crash The Pose, the long week with Logic Problem, Bryony Beynon, Sam Pillay, Conor Rickford and everyone else involved with that week, Bones Brigade, The Rites, Circus Act, Civil Terror, Clorox Girls, the epiphany of watching Andrew WK at Reading, the first Deconstruction at Three Mills Island, Dean Dirg, Biff Tannen, the Cowley Club, Los Taquitos, Peking Palace, K-Town and Dork-Town punks, The Grizzley Ends, discovering how fast a Ford Fiesta can go in second gear, taking bands back to my Dad’s cottage (only two hours from the venue…), Hotel Thrash, sending bands back to Ken’s bedsit, Basingstoke PUNX, Addlestone Canoe Club, Jez Wilson helping me with capsize drills, High Wycombe, Cheryl and Eddie (in the right order), Max Nicholls, Sam Stiff, Cara Barber, K-Line, The Unknown, Jason Webley, London, the LBU, Dave House and his bands (despite the fact he has yet to play It’s White And It Rattles again), Nick Sharpe, Tim Davies, a long road trip to Newcastle and back for Crash The Pose to play with Municipal Waste on a Sunday night, Crash The Scrolls Northern weekender, Louis Harding and Jen Akhurst, Tottenham winning the League Cup, visits to see my Dad, Step-Mother and amazing little brother James, my older younger brother Tom (no matter how annoying he can be at times), both of my Grandmothers and my Grampe Reg, long walks and drives with my Mum, visits from either cousin, verbal torrents with my Aunt on the road to or from Southampton airport, my Uncle Scotty’s sense of humour, the patch where we got into Urban Exploration (and got into Park Prewitt, West Park, etc), Jim Kearse, Keg Wai, Gary Fucking Morgan, Stoo Bailes, Intent, the Mingers, pizza wars in Guildford, Caitlin, Jesse and Leah Mooneys (alphabetical order), Ninebar European weekender, Benny Boy (aka Ben Smith), Abandon Ship, the Rising Sun arts centre in Reading, the Roundabout in High Wycombe and the takeaway IN the pub, Windlesham pram races on Boxing Day (which I will take part in at some point), “Hello crippling debt!”, Agwa and the nights it fuelled, the Holy Ghost Revival, Milloy, The Lief Ericsson, The Propagumbhis, Capdown, Imbalance (from Grimsby), Boston (Not Boston) and all its bands (despite the enduring nickname), EvilFest, Fighting Shit, I Adapt, Banquet and Gravity, Brits abroad at the last Lintfabriek show, Ralf Opiate’s birthday shows, The Dauntless Elite, K-Line, David Wiffen and Neil Khoury on a work trip to Copenhagen, my old boss at Dell – Bob Reese, the people I’ve worked for and with here at Fujitsu, Eat Shit trousers, Two Thousand and Hate, cycling from Putney to Windsor, the chaos of Endfest (despite the fact it didn’t end up being the end of shows in Guildford), the Homestead, the Thundercats tent at Reading, Andy and Mikey Parker, Jordan Chaos and Michael Baggs, discovering a car in a ditch playing Barbie Girl at top volume on the way to Harry Potter’s house, chasing various people with fireworks at various points, snowboarding with an ironing board with Ollie. I could put many, many, many more people, things and places here, but it’s time that I was on my way to meet people for New Years Eve. If I’ve missed you out, write your name here ”                                                               “. The odds are I’ve got some good memories of the last ten years involving you, and that you should be on the list despite me running out of time. I hope this has sparked some good memories for you as well though.

Now go listen to Snuff, I know I have been for the last ten years.