So, who’s got an iPhone? Enjoying all those apps? Better enjoy the ones you have, because there’s certain ones that Apple has decided you are not allowed to have.

• For those in America who have been lucky enough to get an invite to Google Voice, you aren’t allowed an app like the Blackberry, Android or Symbian(?) users.
• If you wanted to use Latitude, you’re not allowed to have it built into Maps on the iPhone, like Android users can.
• Want to stream live video from your phone using Qik? Tough, you’re not allowed.
• Conversely, how about streaming video to your iPhone over the air? Nope.
• Want an app which for the iPhone, which has an icon within it that looks like an iPhone if you squint? Uh-uh.
• A Nine Inch Nails app where a song might have some ‘naughty’ words or ‘objectionable content’? Whoops.
• Actually, an app that gets lyrics? NO! They might be naughty…
• An app that allows you to access the Project Guttenberg library? Nope, you might read the Kama Sutra.
• One that interacts with Twitter – oh my dear, what if people used naughty words? No.
• An app that allows you to make people look like Jesus? Nope.
• One that allows you to use Say No To 0870 easier? Erm… No.
• How about an app to access multiple GMail accounts at once? Nah…
• Control BitTorrent downloads on a remote machine? No, because “this category of applications is often used for the purpose of infringing third party rights”.

Here’s the thing, this isn’t an exhaustive list. There are more examples if you just care to use Google. True, some of these are quite trivial applications and some of the problems above have been resolved after getting publicity, but there is still a large problem surrounding the entire process of approval of applications by Apple, and their general push emphasis when it comes to the platform. Essentially it comes down to whether you think that the iPhone is part of an enclosed eco-system under the control of the manufacturer, or a standalone device similar to a computer or other smartphones. Apple seem to be angling much further towards the former, only allowing apps which don’t have the same functionality as apps they’ve developed (even if that functionality is better implemented), content controls, and close alignment with carrier aims (low bandwidth over the air, pushing revenue towards carriers).

If you’re not happy about being told what you can or can’t have on your device, there’s a simple answer. Don’t get an iPhone. There’s a number of alternatives out there, most of which will at least happily allow you to install applications outside of their marketplaces. Look into Android, Symbian or WebOS devices. It’s not a smartphone if it’s hamstrung.

Peter Wayner has a very interesting post on PC World here: How Not to Get Accepted in Apple’s iPhone App Store